The Passionate Guilt of a Writer

"Sorrow for what I did to a world I created before I delved to image it's beauty, but to preserve the planet would mean the story never happen." -Nekodra

My feelings for the world I created in Luminescence in the Darkness, my Sci-fi Vampire story that I am writing specifically to submit to Asimov Sci-fi short story magazine. The story I recently send to a few friends to get their opinions and editing what they noticed. I had a feeling that towards the end it gets a little confusing and sort of felt a little flimsy plot wise, and that was confirmed. I starting to work out fixes, which of course came to me moments after sending it off. As I was waiting for the feedback, not wanting to really work on the story itself till after I get the feedback...well, back. I began really thinking about what a planet would look like to evolve the (what my boyfriend amusingly dubbed and has now stuck in my mind) Vamplien race. I started sketching out plants based in creating or consuming blood, in place of making sugar. Plants that exist without needing sunlight- which just clicked in my head, Chemosynthesis (That is the word that's been on the tip of my tongue for weeks) instead of Photosynthesis. I have grown to love the beauty and interesting differences yet similarities to Earth. A planet quite literal a world of Vampires. Is anyone really surprise that I would do this? I hope not. This is my imagination at work and I have a probably unhealthy love and admiration for Vampires. I am surprise I didn't write it sooner, to be honest.

The more I sketch and work to create the ecosystem of this world, the guiltier I feel for what I have done to it. The more I would love to visit this planet, though be careful, getting too close to a plant will leave you tired and a little drained. I can't wait to get my new laptop, which will take me about a month to save up for, but I can be patient. >.< I will be patient. The laptop I am eying and plan to get is the Acer Iconia, once I get it I can take my sketches for the Vamplien home world and put color to it. Which I will share when I do. Once I am done with this blog post, I plan to continue with the research of things so the science is decently believable. Its a crazy universe, I like to think there could possibly be a planet of Vampires. There is a world that is made up of burning ice- 6 Real Planets that put Science Fiction to Shame.

But aside from that, I know I need to tear down and restructure the story. Though I am a little unsure how I want to restructure it. So aside from some research to put a decent amount of science behind my world and the occasional sketch as I think of new plants, I feel I need to take a step back from the story. Let my unconscious muse over how to reassemble, then the next time I look at the story the answers will come to me like magic (because our unconscious mind is amazingly powerful and never stops working.)

So though I have been talking a lot about Luminescence in the Darkness, doesn't mean I have forgotten my WOVaN project, or Modern Magic. To be honest the only reason I haven't worked on Modern Magic but for an occasion added note here and there is the slight laziness and daunting task of typing up that entire notebook of notes. x.x I kinda wish I could pay someone to type it up for me, but I doubt they could read my handwriting. I feel guilty though. Its not only typing it up, but then rearranging the notes into the proper story order. I feel guilty. I hope Ember, Cole, and the world of Modern Magic isn't too upset and plotting my death. Though, if it was at the hands of Cole, I would be okay with that. But I really should make the habit of typing up a few pages a day, otherwise it will just keep piling up. I know, I know. Bad Writer, bad. WOVaN, I need to step back from to think how I wanted to conclude/continue the main story of the collection. I plan to look at that today and make some headway on that. Heh, 3 projects, my brain is overwhelmed, but I will finish them. I will. Slow and steady wins the race, correct?

Movies & such:
Putting projects aside for the moment, let me talk about a few other things before I head back to working on them and finishing this post.

Bill Hader (Agent W) -Josh Brolin (Young Agent K) & Will Smith (Agent J) in MIB III (Image from Google)

Men in Black III:
I just saw it and it was awesome. Your always iffy about sequels and 3rd's, then when its been years and years since the last one, you worry it will ruin things. Your treasured memories of the originals. But, honestly. I think they did a wonderful job. Wonderful. I don't want to say too much, because if you go in with high expectations, then it ruins the movie for you. So I will say this, go see it. If you enjoyed the first 2 or even just the first. Just see it, let your curiosity wonder if they did okay, and watch the movie. Besides, just because I loved it, doesn't mean you will. See for yourself. ^_^

SNL:

Bill Hader & Seth Meyers on SNL (Image from Google)

While I have known of the show all my life, I only saw random episodes here and there. Why I never watched more is beyond me. Love the show. Always enjoyed the random ones I saw, so why I didn't actively watch it every Saturday, I will never understand. But since staying with my dad, I watch it every week. I have fallen for Bill Hader. He is my favorite, while the current cast is awesome and its sad to see Kristen Wiig leave, but we will see more of her, I hear she was many projects in the works. But while the entire cast is amazing, Bill Hader is my favorite. I have seen many of his other movies and liked him, I didn't realize his name and take notice, (that tends to happen a lot. I will like someone, but then they play one role that really sticks out and then you realize you have seen and enjoyed them in many other movies, you just didn't really put the name to the face and keep tabs.) But anyways, Bill Hader is awesome and I am slowly working on watching all of SNL through Netflix, which has from the beginning till 2010.

Bill Hader (Image found with Google)

While my main love is Vampires, I do love a good laugh. I love wit. Vampires and Wit, if you want to know what to use to seduce me. Get a Vampire comedian, scratch that, be a Vampire comedian and seek me out. Turning Bill Hader in to a Vampire wouldn't be a bad idea, also. <.<; *cough* Please?

No,no, who knows if he would want that, don't force it upon someone. That is how we get those depressed Vampires. So anyways, I tend to fall for Vampires and those who can get me to snort. Yes, if I laugh hard enough, I snort. People seem to think its cute and try to get me to do it again. >//< My boyfriend thought about making a drinking game with it, but discovered he was too good at making me laugh and everyone would have died. 110 shots in 10 minutes. I think it was also 2 am and everything is funny at 2am, I blame sleep deprivation for that insane fit of giggles with many snorts. My nickname on one of my softball teams was Laughalot. Get it, Lancelot, Laughalot? 9 year old's are so witty. I think in middle school someone used to call me Gigglebox...?

I love humor, just because I have my grouchy days doesn't mean I enjoy being upset. In fact I hate being upset. I love my boyfriend, he somehow knows the perfect moment to insert something humorous when I am crying or ranting, and turns my emotions on a dime. I love him, so much. Now if only he was a vampire... <.< I am kidding, love him even if he isn't a vampire. But have you ever laughed and cry at the same time? Its a strange sensation.

Back to Vampires and wit- I have a list of actors who I would love so see play a role of a Vampire, Bill Hader has just been added to the list. If I manged to miss it on his IMDB list of movies and he has played a vampire, you better leave a comment with the name of said movie. Though, I can't really take David Tennant off the list, >.< so close though in the Fright Night remake, which I still love. Watched again last night. Also not so sure about Nicholas Cage, Love Bites, that was a....interesting movie. >.< I think I will keep him on the list, in hopes of another Vampire role, though again...that movie is strange, was he even really a Vampire, or just crazy? I may need to watch it again, I don't remember it very well. I also still need to go see Dark Shadows with Johnny Depp, then he can be crossed off, once I see it that is.

Okay, I have rambled on enough. ^_^; Instead talking about Vampires, I should go work on my stories. If your in Washington, enjoy this day of sun, because I did a rain dance for the Gods and it looks like they were pleased and I can crawl out from this rock tomorrow to enjoy the comfortable chill of rain. Thank you Gods. Now if you guys could give me feedback on whats wrong with my Vampire Dance, that would be wonderful so I can please you and get my Vampire comedian.

Thanks,
Nekodra
Nekodra-blog@hotmail.com
@Nekodra

Still would love tips for indie publishing through Amazon from my previous post, Little Advice/Help

Sci-fi Loving Giddyness

Forward:


 There will be a short story, but first I want to talk. I feel giddy and I want to talk about it. As per my morning routine, when I can't force myself to fall back asleep and dream some more, I begrudgingly stretch and get up, and I check twitter in hopes of awesome Psych things, though now  follow a lot of people, my twitter account which started as a means to stalk Psych information, now involves a lot of things that are semi-interesting, but off topic, I check twitter, email, which email involves the crossing of fingers for updates on Psych Fanfics, then facebook if I am too absorbed into the world of Fanfiction updates, and when I remember I check Dvice app and Blaster app, note this checking has all been on my iPhone who is named Ivianna, but thats neither here or there, and today I haven't look at blaster yet because of awesome-ness I read on Divce.


Days like today, make me all giddy, and not just because of an awesome Shules fanfiction that was updated with TWO chapters, but two articles I read on Dvice, make a sci-fi lover like me, heart to flutter with giddiness. Scientists maybe confirm latest warm, wet, habitable exoplanet [ <-- link to the article] Whenever I stumble across and read these 'falling into the goldilock zone' articles, makes the Sci-fi nerd in me, who's biggest dream is of colonizing a planet in my life time, heart skip a beat in guarded hope. I know finding Earth like planets doesn't me we will colonize it anytime soon. I know this, and it makes me so sad, if I was rich, or if I had a job period, but it sorta has to be a decent job to do this, but if I ever become insanely rich, by some crazy luck, you can bet your life NASA would get so much of my money, because if it comes down to getting needless expensive things or being able to give NASA the founds they need to research and make a ship that can travel hundreds of light-years, I am going to spend my money on NASA. Screw having pointless things if I can help fund something so-Amazing. I would only leave myself enough to be comfy which wouldn't take much and the ability to travel. Because I honest to the gods, I want to one day step into another planet.


But also, mentions of planets like this make me giddy not just in the hopes of seeing that planet with my own eyes, but of life on other planets. I have been saying, or at least believing, that there is no way in Hell, we are the only living creatures in this insanely vast and practically endless universe. For one, look at the diversity in the living creatures so far on Earth alone, look how different not only in how we look, we evolved, but in the complexity of how we interact and fit together, and really when it comes down to it, one little difference could have vastly changed our outcome, and statistically with how large the universe is, how close minded and egocentric can we, as a race, be to think we are the only ones with a planet housing life? On the grand scheme of things, thinking we are alone in this vastness is the silly and insane thought and belief. To quote myself  "-So how can us, humans, say where life can and can’t exist, when we haven’t traveled passed our moon? That’s like stepping out onto your porch or looking out a window and saying California can’t have life, I can’t see it from here." - Nekodra K.D LaCroix, from a short essay of mine. Side note: I live in Washington. Lovely rainy Washington, that's not sarcastic, I am in heaven on a stormy rainy day and in grump-ville when the sun pokes its head out, ask anyone who knows me in person. But Washington where there are lots of mountains and no matter how tall of a porch I build, I don't think I can ever spot California from here. lol. I wrote that in an essay for that Biology/English class I took last year.


So here is some insight into my belief system, call me crazy if you want, but everyone has a right to believe their own 'religion', and despite how much I joke about being insane and Queen of LaLaLand, I am pretty sure I am actually mostly sane, but really everyone has some small level of craziness in them and really its only bad if your a danger to yourself or others; moderation, everything in moderation, we are what is it, 75% made of water (googled it, huh 65% less that I recall, oh well) and too much water will kill you.


So some insight into my belief system, and I think to put a name to it, is: I am polytheistic, or also Spiritual, as a loose term I believe in The Force, more meaning I believe there are energies in the world and your beliefs, your thoughts, wishes, can influence them, I think there is the term Noetic Science, to use a term that doesn't make me look like a crazy Stars Wars fanatic. What is Neotic Science - I googled a link in case you where curious So to put in simply, how you feel, what you wish, dream, believe, influences those around you, in effects your little bubble of a world, more then you realize. Also, sort of think of it like Karma. Think of it like this, if your negative and believe negative things will happen, they do, they will, because you so strongly believe it will, that's why people may say or tell you, if you want things to get better, if you want to stop your bad luck, it starts will a positive attitude, and believe me I know how hard it is to switch from a negative perspective to a more positive. There is always kernel of truth, to things, that's where praying comes from, that's why people ask you to wish good luck for things, that's why when someone is in the hospital or just a little sick, you wish them good health. I hope that made sense....


I believe that there isn't just one universe, I believe in parallel realms and other dimensions. I also believe that the gods not only that earth believes is and yes all gods from all religions here on earth, but also those of aliens, all exist somewhere in the vastness of time and space. I believe that all Gods exist, maybe not in the way they are idealized, but they are someone. Hmm, saying time and space, does make me sound a little crazy, but its really hard for me to feel like I am getting the idea across on just how large, vast, and complex I feel the universe is. Here is another quote of mine, in which I think sums it up nicely how large the universe is and just how small our galaxy, yes our Milky Way Galaxy is in the scheme of it, "Our Milky Way Galaxy is but an atom of dust in an endless mansion, that in all of existence, has never been dusted." -Nekodra K.D. LaCroix


Does that paint the picture for you? Does that show how infinity small we are in the abstract craziness that is the universe? There is so much out there to explore, and it makes me sad to think that in my life time, I likely will never even get a chance to step out onto just one other planet. Just one. I would love to travel the universe, if only we could, but at this point in time, I fear I won't get a chance to see one with my own eyes.


As I said, this is all just an insight to what I believe in, I am in no way saying this means everyone HAS to believe this too. No, that silly. That's super silly, readers, don't think that. Believe what you believe, just give me the same courtesy and don't ask me to change what I believe. How fun would the world be, if everyone was the same? Pfft, very boring if you ask me. This world is so diverse, so many different things! That makes it fun. No keep what you believe strongly in your heart and dreams, cherish them, covet it, I think religion and belief is very personal and it shapes who you are, I don't think it something you should force onto another. Its something that's far too personal for that. I just wanted to talk about the giddiness I feel as scientist spot more and more planets that are similar to our own. Which led to some insight on what I cherish.

Here is today's short story, which is variation of yesterday's A Dance of Flames, and from a different perspective, written also a bit differently, and not the same preforamace, but a similar one:    

 They Danced

By Nekodra K.D. LaCroix

            They danced, flickering with a life of their own. The soft glow reflecting in the eyes of those watchers as it transformed from the flaming grass rustling in the non-existing breeze to a tree standing tall to the left of the performer. The leaves rustled as the grass had done before it, some lightly falling to the ground and burning out. There was a silent pause as all eyes watched in curiosity, in wonder of what would happen. A few gasped and many fell more silent as a tiger appeared from behind the tree. It crackles and appeared to growl, walking forward to stare in quiet wonder at all who watched. The crackling and popping tiger sat before the tree and watched, waiting. Next to appear from behind the tree was a small and silent bunny, hoping and leaping a fatal path in front of the tiger. Lunging forward, that tiger landed on top of that small glow of a bunny. The combination of the two creating a large but controlled balled blast of flames that puffed up into the air forming itself into a serpent dragon. The serpent slithered and glided through the air as though it were water. Up and down, side to side and landed itself onto a branch of the tree. Wrapped around the branch, it appeared to hiss and stick out its long flicking tongue at the attendance before it.

            The performer, who was standing just behind the tree, softly waving her hands to and fro, movements that are only to be understood by the flames that could not see her but breathed and lived a life of its own,.  She herself seeming to glow and move much like the flickering and dancing flames she produced. With a single motion, the serpent swirled up along with the tree as though the plug in the tub had been pulled out. In one quick movement, the tree and the serpent became a large pulsing egg.  The egg floated and bobbed above the performer, hovering and waiting. Then shrinking with every pulse, ever so slowly till it was the size of an ostrich egg. A thick and large flickering leaf appeared under the egg causing the egg to roll down and off the edge to land on another flickering crackling leaf. Repeating the process over and over, till it land safe and softly on the ground in a glowing puff of embers.

            Waiting, the audience wondered in awe. Suddenly with a loud crackling, members in the stands jumped, as the flames swirled up from where the egg once was, higher and higher, thrashing and dancing. Upwards, like a tornado it danced around the performer. Then, she was gone. The flames had danced in front of her and when it moved from before the spot she once stood, she was no longer there. The attendance whispered, and gasped. Suddenly it exploded, towards the audience, but stop as sudden as it had began and was sucked back. When the haze of the flames had calmed, there she was sitting upon the flames of a large bat, and with crackling and popping of the dancing flames, they flew off stage with a bang, disappearing, but leaving petals dancing and flickering to the ground as the only evidence that they had been there.    

                                                              -Nekodra K.D. LaCroix

Page of other WOTDS
Page of other Short Stories

As always, a quick side note before I go off and watch more Psych:

            -Follow me on Twitter, because I will tweet every time I post on my blog and I will post a link. Nekodra's Twitter  and remember Sharing is Caring, retweet to your friends if they might enjoy this.

         -Have fun and toss me writing prompt, I would love the practice. I will credit you for tossing the prompt when I post the resulting story.

         -If you have never seen Psych, and you love comedies or crime shows, I highly recommend it! Psych airs on USAon Wednesdays. 

        - Please remember feedback, I can’t grow as a writer from silence.

        -Also remember unless stated otherwise, these stories and drawings belong to me, I wrote/drew them, please respect that.